i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
