stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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