You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just want to make out with him forever
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
