his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
