Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
