I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
