my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
