I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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