so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
