no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
