just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
