im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
