I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
