fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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