He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
