I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Life is so much better after having sex.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
