Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
