Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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