I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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