im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
