I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
