the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
