I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
