no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
