I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
