You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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