I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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