Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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