shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
