thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
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