Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
