My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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