and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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