Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
