There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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