Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
