ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
