do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
