hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
