Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
