Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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