glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
