Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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