I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
