Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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