Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
