would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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