He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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