Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
