You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
