somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
