I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
