If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
