Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
