I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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