you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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