I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
sex in a hospital.. check
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize