how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
