With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
