been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
