Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
