return my video game
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize