For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
There are leaves in my underwear?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
