he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
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