the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
