he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
