Well douche your snatch and let's go!
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
