Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
