i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize