me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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