I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
