So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
