4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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