Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
