you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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